The Wrath of Grendel; A powerful monster, living down in the darkness, growled in pain, impatient as day after day the music rang loud in that hall. The king had his iPod on full blast. So one night, Grendel made his way up to Herot to unleash his fury!!! As he headed out, he equipped himself with his favorite tool; his handy dandy BLENDER. Once he arrived at the gate, he saw dozens of drunken soldiers, passed out on the ground. As his mouth began to water, he snatched 30 of the men up and tossed them strait into the blender. Grendel, starvin' like Marvin, pushed the "human" button and watched the men get ground into a reddish fleshy slushy mixture. Once they were all mixed up, he guzzled them down. He even put some whip cream on top to make them extra creamy!!! Then, just as fast as he arrived, Grendel was gone. Just like that. Whoosh.
The Coming of Beowulf; In his far-off home Beowulf, follower of Higlac, quickly commanded a boat fitted with himself, and the strongest of the Geats. Higlac, had just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geiko, so he went out and bought a Blackberry storm with the Verizon network. Besides that, Beowulf and his men hopped in Beowulf's new yaght to sail the ocean, and arrive on shore at Herot. When they came upon the land they were met by a Danish Watchmen. The watchmen sprinted down the cliffside where he met Beowulf and his men. Watchmen: "whose soldiers are you?" He also explaine how he had guarded the cliffs for years, blah blah blah. Anyways, Beowulf answered: "We are Geats, men who follow Higlac." Those words were enough for the Watchmen to let the men pass. But just in case, he whipped out his Walkie-Talkie and hit up the king to let him know these "trespassers" were coming.
A lot of time later, Beowulf equipped himself with soldiers abroad to follow him to the nesting grounds of Grendel.
The Battle with Grendel; Out from the marsh, from the foot of misty hills and bogs, Grendel came, hoping to kill anyone he could trap on this trip to high Herot. He came into the castle, stopped, and saw the hall filled with sleeping warriors. He began to laugh as he took out his blender and plugged it into the nearby outlet on the wall. He snatched the first Geat he came to, ripped him apart, cut his body to bits with powerful jaws, drank the blood from his veins and bolted him down. He was so hungry he decided to skip man-smoothie on that round. Once he gobbled that man down, Grendel stepped to another still body, clutched at Beowulf with his claws, grasped at a strong-hearted wakeful sleeper-and was instantly seized himself, claws bent back as beowulf leaned up on one arm. Beowulf unleashed fury on Grendel's arm and ripped it clean off!!! In pain, Grendel fleed the castle running back to his marsh for safety.
Beowulf owes his strength to his Bowflex. He had trained for weeks before he came to Herot to obtain the Bowflex body he needed.
Beowulf and his men proudly sent Grendel back to his lair.
The Monsters' Lair; Grendel's mother is hidden in her terrible home, in a place you've not seen. Seek it, if you dare. Save us once more.
The Battle with Grendel's Mother; As his words ended, Beowulf leaped into the lake. For hours he sank through the waves; at last he saw the mud of the bottom. And all at once the greedy she-wolf who'd ruled those waters for half a hundred years discovered him, saw that a creature from above had come to explore the bottom of her wet world. She welcomed him in her claws, clutched at him savagely but could not harm him for his mail shirt was to tough, also, she had just painted her nails a crusty brown tone to match her teeth. Angry at her failure, Grendels mommy took out her last resort; her gold-plated oozy. But no, Beowulf's armor was bullet proof too.
After lots and lots of fighting, Beowulf saw a heavy sword hanging on the wall, hammered by ginants, strong and blessed with their magic, the best of all weapons but so massive that no ordinary man could lift its carved and decoratd length. he drew it from its scabbard, broke the chain on its hilt, and then, savage, now, angry and desparate, lifted it high over his head and struck with all the strength he had left, caught her in the neck and cut it through, broked bones and all. He just chopped her hideous face right off.
The wise od warriors who surronded Hrothgar, like him staring into the monsters' lake, saw the waves surging and blood spurting through. They spoke about Beowulf, and said that the hero had lost fame and his life at once, and would never return to the living. Sadly they jumped back into the Whitebeard's limo, and headed back to the castle.
Then, Beowulf sprouted from the water carrying Grendel's Moothers's head. Beowulf and all the townspeople rejoyced for he had beaten the nasty creatures.
Beowulf returned home and ruled the Geatland for fifty years. Then a dragon menaces his kingdom. Although he is an old man, beowulf determines to slay the beast.
The Last Battle; Beowulf said farewell to his followers and made way to where the dragon was located.
Soon, Beowulf came into contact with the dragon and became engulfed in flames from the nostrils of the beast. Watching from the distance, Beowulf's comrad's became scared and one in particular was so terrified, he paged the king to come pick him up. Only one decided to help Beowulf in his time of need; His name was Wiglaf. The brave soldier jumped on his mountain bike to try and save Beowulf from the dragons terror.
The Spoils; together wiglaf and beowulf kill the dragon, but the old king is mortally wounded. As a last request, Beowulf asks wiglaf to bring him the treasure that the dragon was guarding. Wiglaf obeyed orders and snatched the treasure up bringing it back to Beowulf.
The Farewell; Wiglaf denounces the soldiers who deserted Beowulf in his combat with the dragon. Then the Geates built the tower Beowulf requested. And then, twelve of the bravest Geats rode their horse around the tower, telling their sorrow, telling stories of their dead king and his greatness. The leader of them used his bullhorn to announce the tales so all could hear him. And so Beowulf's followers rode, mourning their beloved leader, crying that no better king had ever lived, no prince so mild, no man so open to his people, so deserving of praise.
